There is no way forward without seeing sex as sexual energy.
Because the experience of sex for a human is not pleasure.
The experience of sex for a human is energy.
The word ‘pleasure’ doesn’t describe our true experience in sex.
It doesn’t accurately describe a sexual feeling or a sexual sensation.
What we feel in sex is something far greater and a lot more complex.
Even in that one moment, in that one sexual sensation, we feel many of our senses all in one. Pleasure. Beauty. Joy. Happiness. Love. Connection. Bliss. Aliveness. Sensory richness. And even altered state of consciousness, as if our minds have been filled with blissful energy of life.
A sexual sensation is a complex composite feeling. There is physical pleasure in it, but we also feel happiness, beauty and nourishment in it. We can feel love and connection in it. We feel something really alive, nutritious and enriching in it.
We feel that enriching impact left after sex: it is ‘energy’ because it leaves something behind. It is a potent positive substance that nourishes us. Mainly not on a physical level, ironically, even though sex is always presented as a physical activity.
The sexual sensation nourishes our nervous system on so many layers, through our senses of happiness, beauty, connection, love and many other subtle internal senses that we don’t even have names for yet. And that sexual sensation acts on you as a person - on so many senses and feelings that are good for the person.
A sexual sensation is an experience of energy. And sex itself is an experience of energy.
Not in an excessively new-agey way of electricity flowing through chakras - this picture would actually be too simplistic and inaccurate.
But it is a beautiful, nourishing, powerful, vibrant energy as an experience in our senses, in our psyche and in our hearts.
A complex feeling that is physical, emotional, psychological, aesthetic and spiritual all at the same time, all bottled into one sparkly vibration that is travelling through your skin into your body and from there into your psyche.
There is nothing like a sexual sensation that has so many positive feelings all in one, and that acts on so many of our internal places all at once.
There is actually no equivalent for a sexual sensation. It is unique. This is why we can’t call it pleasure. Many other things are pleasure and they don’t contain what a sexual sensation contains.
This is a unique feeling, one of a kind, and ‘sexual energy’ is a more accurate way to describe it - for its richness and for its impact.
Why do I say there is no way forward without realising that sex is energy?
When we use the words ‘sexual energy’ instead of ‘pleasure’ we understand that this feeling we are receiving is beyond just a physical sensation. That there is more - the senses, the love, the connection, the nourishment, the beauty, the happiness, the enrichment.
Because we are now aware of it, we feel those feelings, we tune in to receive more of them. So we experience the true realty of sex.
Using the words ‘sexual energy’ is simply more accurate - it describes our true experience, our reality of sex.
Then we also understand the purpose of sex and the meaning of sex for us - enrichment with energy. Then we understand why we are here having sex. We understand what we want to do here. We understand why sex is important and why we want to make time for it. ‘Pleasure’ doesn’t make any of this sense.
So by using ‘sexual energy’ we gain a purpose in sex.
And from that purpose we can create. We don’t need to see ‘sexual energy’ as one uniform substance. We can create different kinds of sexual energy - nourishing energy, intense energy, erotic energy, loving energy, revitalising energy, subtle spacious spiritual energy. All of these are sexual energies of a different kinds - we make them with different techniques. We mix different components. We can do that now because we listen for the energetic quality of contact, for the feelings and not just for physical pleasure.
So talking of sexual energy makes us more versatile, it gives us a simple framework to create more advanced and complex experiences of sex.
This also becomes a tool for directing a sex act. When we see sex as energy we can then channel sexual energy through the body, we can nourish each other with it, we can take it through different intensities in a sex act, we can make a judgment on whether we want to release or retain, we can become more masterful with arousal as an expansion of sexual energy.
‘Giving each other pleasure’ is not a more accurate or realistic view of sex. It is a completely false description of what is happening here.
And I will say it again - energy doesn’t mean some electricity in the body or energy exercises. ‘Sexual energy’ is a happy, beautiful, nourishing feeling in our senses. Don’t drive your sexual energy through chakras or meridians. Do that outside sex if you are into that. This is not accurate in sex and it is sterile.
Make love and create beauty. See energy as a flow of feelings, see it as an aesthetic representation.
Yes, of course there is a lot happening under the hood and we could use scientific terms for all the processes in the body instead of using ‘new-agey’ word ‘energy’. But do you have any idea how complex all that stuff under the hood is? Think of what is happening. The body systems - chemistry, circulation, nerves, central nervous system, and not just in you but all of that interacting between you. The emotional systems - feelings of love, closeness, relating, connection, intimacy, relaxation regulation. The psychological systems - frameworks, expectations, conditioning, memory, perceptions, meanings, patterns.
All of this is happening at the same time and it gives you ‘a feeling’. Is it realistic to break it down?
First, you couldn’t explain it if you tried. Second, we still haven’t researched most of it. Third - even if you had all the terms, how practical is it to talk in these terms while you have sex, or talk like that about sex, and can you really influence any of it?
You can only make love in simple terms, creating together beauty, nourishment, energy and love.
When we move out of basic sex to a greater sex that is also, obviously, more complex - then talking of sexual energy becomes more accurate, more simple, more aesthetic and more practical.
It describes the value, meaning and the true experience of sex.
Here is a parallel to understand it.
I want you to think of how you listen to music.
An airwave hits your eardrum. It is just an airwave like the noise of a truck.
But you don’t get the same effect as from a noise of a truck.
This airwave then crosses some magical boundary between worlds. It is no longer in an objective world. It is in your internal world.
It becomes a beautiful feeling that flourishes in you. It can create a profound feeling, a mood, an inspiration, a moment of bliss, a true enrichment in your life.
Music is energy.
The sound of music going to your body is the closest experience to a sexual sensation.
A sexual sensation is also that vibration that goes into your body and flourishes into a powerful energy.
It also doesn’t do as much for you physically as it makes an impact on your emotions, your senses, your feelings.
Just like in music you fill up from every sound until the whole impact has happened.
But the energy of sex is much more powerful than the energy of music.
This is the core experience of sex. But then of course you can talk about sex as energy in other ways - how it moves through your body when you channel it, how it flows through different levels in a sex act, the levels of sexual energy within you on a given day, etc.
So make it simple and make it an art.
See it all as varieties of those sparkly colourful beautiful energies, lots of different kinds, from which you weave that whole experience.
You are a space. Everything you feel in sex is a vibration of sexual energy into you.
A touch is a vibration of happy energy into the space of your body.
A hug is a radiant field of energy into your body.
A sensation in the genitals is a wave of sexual energy that rushes through your body.
Arousal is energy expanding through your body.
The beauty of your partner is energy that you drink through your eyes and it ignites you.
Love is nourishing energy that your body absorbs from your lover.
On and on, the sexual space is a rich field of all different kinds of energies and vibrations. You are a space absorbing those vibrations.
You can make many different colours and qualities of sexual energy. You can become an artist. That moment of sexual energy can be more nourishing, or electric, or erotic, or loving, or deep and spiritual, or revitalising.
Sexual energy is not some one substance, it is more like a field, like a world.
A vast beautiful world made of beautiful vibrations and energies.
It is a dimension of our experience where we can all go. You spend time there, bathing in it, absorbing it all, being nourished by it.
Like going to a garden that will enrich you with its energy of life.
And it is a vast, vast world. There are many different places you will visit there. They have a different mix of those sexual energies.
It is like spending time in nature - we go there to spend time there, to fill up with life.