The highest orgasmic expression is not ‘having an orgasm’ in the conventional form of peak and release. It is not even ‘having an orgasm’ in the more unconventional form of prolonged intense orgasmic waves, etc.
The greatest orgasmic potential is ‘being orgasmic’ during sex.
And it is especially true for the question of female orgasm.
A woman can become completely relaxed in her mind and tuned into the experience. She can become very present with each vibration and each detail of it. She can feel acutely every move, every touch, every feeling from her partner.
She can enter a highly sensitive and vibrant state. In that state, the smallest movement or touch vibrates though her with intense richness.
This is a state in which everything feels orgasmic.
In this state every sensation in your genitals can feel particularly rich, particularly heightened – and it vibrates through you as an orgasmic feeling.
But it is not limited to your genitals – usually your whole body will be just a sensitive and respond vibrantly to every touch, anywhere.
There is of course a great spectrum of such orgasmic states. Sometimes they feel more intense, sometimes more gentle and blurred. Sometimes they feel more like physical intensity, sometimes they feel physically fairly calm but they radiate feelings of deep joy and contentment into your whole body.
This kind of orgasmic experience is the most nourishing, powerful and satisfying experience for a woman out of all orgasmic experiences.
But this state of acute sensitivity and aliveness can only be reached if you completely stop trying to ‘get an orgasm’ or ANY sort of orgasmic experience.
You have to completely let go of all chasing and genuinely tune into the beauty of each moment with full savouring and appreciation.
You have to completely appreciate this moment with your lover, like nothing else would come. You have to love intensely. You have to be completely open and relaxed in your mind. It’s easy if you just stop putting pressure on yourself, and just enjoy everything together intensely.
In a way, you have to fully accept that no orgasm is important – that this moment is complete even in its simplicity.
A woman’s highest orgasmic potential can only be reached when she lets go of any idea of orgasm and commits to honestly enjoying each moment fully.
This is not a mind trick – it is an inbuilt mechanism. The woman’s body is wired for this experience, this is how it truly works.
For most women this orgasmic experience can happen more easily, more reliably more naturally than a release orgasm – as long as they find a way to become fully relaxed and feeling no pressure.
It’s not possible to achieve these orgasmic states immediately today. If you practice present, relaxed lovemaking with holistic sex then very gradually your body and mind will be letting go of tensions and pressures. Very gradually this letting go will make you more sensitive and ecstatic in the moment.
This state of being orgasmic is your future potential in long-term practice, it’s not an immediate recipe for today.
This kind of experience remains completely out of bounds if you are attached to your clitoral orgasms. You are never sufficiently relaxed or connected, and the physical stimulation is always too aggressive for that sensitive space to emerge.
There is an unfortunate catch 22: you’ve been told to work on clitoral orgasms so you busy the space where the orgasmic experience can emerge. And because you never experience those orgasmic states you think that clitoral orgasms are the best of sex - so you keep working on them.
This perspective is particularly relevant to women, but it is true for men too.